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JEFFERSONS NEWS

Les Dunn Waitrose Food Illustrated

Carlsberg (and Bollinger) don't do day trips. But if they did, they might do something like this...Fade in on my front door; I open it to a smiling, uniformed chauffeur. Scene two: a private jet takes off from Farnborough. Cut to me in a leather seat, sipping bubbly and peering down over the Channel. The next scene is in Reims airport, in the Champagne region, where beautiful assistants wave me through. Cut to a cellar in a Champagne house, where an elegant lady shows me round. Next, me indicating the champagne I'm sampling and saying "A crate please." Then, a montage sequence of my six-course tasting menu of two-Michelin starred, classical French fare in the antique-filled Chateau les Crayeres. Back to my doorstep: I'm smiling, the crate of bubbly in my arms... Finally, ahem, me planting a small forest to atone for my Yeti-sized carbon footprint.